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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24974458">An Un-Happy Birthday...</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILeftMyOvenOn/pseuds/ILeftMyOvenOn'>ILeftMyOvenOn</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILeftMyRefrigeratorRunning/pseuds/ILeftMyRefrigeratorRunning'>ILeftMyRefrigeratorRunning</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hunter X Hunter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Also yay confessions, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Depressed!Gon, If has a good ending we promise, KilluGon-Relationship, Lots of Crying, M/M, Protective Killua Zoldyck, Suicidal Gon is so underrated-, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, They're around 14-15, We're trying, and first kiss, sad hugs, this is our first fanfic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:00:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,383</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24974458</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILeftMyOvenOn/pseuds/ILeftMyOvenOn, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILeftMyRefrigeratorRunning/pseuds/ILeftMyRefrigeratorRunning</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Today was supposed to be his birthday.<br/>A special day to enjoy with Killua and his friends...<br/> </p><p>How'd it all go so wrong?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>62</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>An Un-Happy Birthday...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Keep in mind while reading this that It is our first fanfic so It's probably not all that great but, we hope you enjoy either way!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>{ I can’t remember when I started planning this...When everything lost its light... when I stopped truly feeling happiness. When did I start faking it? It’s been so long that I’ve forgotten… No matter. I’ll do it today, I’m ending it all. I’m sorry Leorio, Kurapika… Killua… }</p><p> </p><p>    (Gon POV, 1st person)<br/>
I dug into my pocket searching for my pocket knife since Killua will be leaving soon. Soon it’ll all be over and Killua won’t have to look after me all the time and fix my mistakes, he’ll be as free as I’ll be as soon as I’m gone. Lost in thought, I almost didn’t hear him leave.</p><p> </p><p>“Gon! I’m leaving now! I’ll be back in a bit and then we’ll have an awesome party! I’ll make sure this is your best birthday yet, just you wait!” Killua yelled over while wearing one of his beautiful smiles, I wish I wasn’t such a burden on him. Then maybe I would be able to live happily with him.</p><p>As I waved goodbye and he walked out the door, closing it behind himself, I found myself becoming scared of what I was about to do. I kept thinking to myself ‘Leaving him is probably the most selfish thing I’ll ever do to him’ Yet when I tried to agree with that idea, I just couldn’t seem to, as I also kept thinking to myself ‘But it must be done to free us both’. While leaving him is selfish, staying and being such a burden on him is even more selfish. It wasn’t long before I noticed the small tears rolling down my face and pooling at the corners of my eyes. There was no point in wiping them away as new ones would form as quickly as they left. “Alright,” I mumbled to myself, “I’ll just get this over with now..”.</p><p>    (3rd person)</p><p>Gon pulled his pocket knife out of his pocket, opening it. He brought it to his wrist, his quiet crying turning into a full-on sob. He brought it closer and closer until...  He cried out in pain as it slit his wrist, cutting deep into his vein. His breathing was shaky and ragged. ‘That wasn’t too bad.’ He thought, desperately trying to reassure himself. He transferred the knife to his other hand, pressing it into his other wrist, then slicing it with one fluid motion. The pain was just as bad as the first one. It hurt, though he was certain he’d felt worse before. He hastily walked over to the balcony, wanting this to be over more than ever now. He was already sitting on the railing when he heard the door click open. He cursed under his breath, then leaned forward. </p><p>“Gon? I’m back! Bet you didn’t expect me so--” </p><p> </p><p>     {Killua’s POV} (1st person)</p><p> </p><p>“Gon? I’m back! Bet you didn’t expect me so--”, The rest of the sentence never left my mouth as I noticed the blood staining the floor. “What did Gon get himself into this time??”. I followed the trail to a bloodied Gon leaning forward on the railing- “Wait… What is he…” My eyes widened as I saw him beginning to lean forward more, almost letting go of the said railing.</p><p>     “GON! NO PLEASE!--”</p><p> </p><p>      {Gon’s POV} </p><p> </p><p>     “GON! NO PLEASE!--”</p><p>--Is the last thing I heard before letting go of the railing to fall to my death… Or so I thought as I heard a zap of electricity and then felt a tingly hand on my arm, holding me up. Wait… </p><p>“K-Killua..?!” is the last thing I remember mumbling before everything went black.</p><p>{Killua’s POV}</p><p> </p><p>I grabbed onto Gon’s arm. His blood seeped out of his wrists, staining my hand a crimson red. I managed to pull him up and set his limp body down on the balcony, a safe distance from the railing. My vision became blurry and my face wet. Tears escaped one by one, then began pouring faster. I only then stopped to look down at my hands. “What went wrong?!” I screamed as I held my face, sobbing, and unintentionally covering my face with his blood. I couldn’t keep my mind straight. The only thought I could make out was ‘Why?’. One thing was for sure though. “He’ll bleed out to death at this rate.”</p><p>I raced to find my phone and call Leorio, “He’ll know what to do, right??” As soon as I explained what happened and how I found Gon he began explaining how to treat the wound until medical help arrived. I was shocked by hearing how calm he was. He quickly assessed the situation as well. I clenched my jaw as I began helping Gon, but I couldn’t bear to see him like this. Everything I was told to do didn’t seem to work, and he was getting colder and colder by the minute. “He can’t die! He can’t, he can’t, he can’t” I kept mumbling to myself as my tears fell onto his cold, clammy hand. His usual tan skin was turning bone white as he quickly paled. </p><p>“GON! PLEASE DON’T DIE... I LOVE YOU!” I cried out and hit the floor as the paramedics arrived, quickly doing what Leorio had instructed me to do, properly this time. I watched helplessly as Gon was taken into the ambulance. I didn’t think to go with them, as I was too afraid to see that cold, dead face again. “Gon... Gon I’m sorry,” I whispered, as tears slipped down the side of my face.</p><p> </p><p>     {Much Later}</p><p> </p><p>My eyelids fluttered, then slowly opened. A bright, white light was the first thing that came into vision. I stared at it for a few moments, then slowly turned my head to the side upon realizing I was laying down. What happened again- Oh, right… Gon... He… I shuddered at the thought of his cold clammy skin, and his dull eyes, opened just a bit. I slowly sat up, then felt a hand rest on my shoulder.</p><p>“Killua, are you okay..?” A familiar voice said. I turned and saw my blonde friend, a concerned look covering his usually indifferent face. “Kurapika.,” I said quietly. My head hung as thoughts of Gon filled my mind once again. “Kurapika,” I repeated, a little louder this time. “How is Gon?” I did my best to keep my voice steady. “He’ll be okay, don’t worry,” Kurapika said. Though the pain in his voice said otherwise. I nodded silently then sighed. “Why.. why would he do that?” My voice trembled slightly. “Why.. why..” I said louder. I didn’t know how to feel.</p><p> I squeezed the blanket that had been covering me in frustration. I hated how I, his best friend, couldn't see through his fake smiles and laughs. I thought… I knew him like I knew the back of my hand but… "How had I been so blind?!" I cried out, tugging at the hair my hands had landed on. “Killua, it wasn’t just you,” Kurapika said, his jaw clenched and his bangs hanging over his face as he looked down towards his lap. His lip quivered slightly and I could see the anger and frustration itching to come out. We were all in the same boat, Leorio, Kurapika and I. Gon’s smiles didn’t seem fake to either one of us. None of us could tell it was just a mask.</p><p>"I wonder how long it's been fake…" Kurapika mumbled in an uncharacteristically bittersweet tone, "Yea.." I murmured in agreement. “It’s lucky you got back early, otherwise..” His voice drifted off, but I knew exactly what he meant. The only thought still lingering in my head was ‘Why-?’. I couldn’t pinpoint any specific reasons. His dad? No… Kite..? Probably not…. Us? The last thought hurt, but I knew it had to be taken into consideration.</p><p> Was he upset because of something I did..? Oh god, if it was I'd never been able to forgive myself. ’Then again, depression doesn’t have to be caused by a specific thing… right?’ I tried to believe it wasn’t related to us, anything, or anyone, but I knew it was something big.. He must've planned that attempt since he knew he had a chance of surviving the fall..so he.. I shivered at the thought of the cuts and the blood on my... I stared down at the bed, not noticing the tears until they had hit my hand. Kurapika bit his lip in an attempt to hold back his tears, then put his hand on my back as I cried, my entire body shaking.</p><p>"Leorio..?" I heard Kurapika say, "Guys." He said in acknowledgement, "How is he..?" Kurapika said as I was too much of a mess to speak. "He, uhm, isn't in great shape but h-he'll be fine I promise!" I nodded at his shallow promise. “Can we see him?” I asked, knowing the answer already.</p><p>"Of course!" Wait, what "What-" I voiced. "I said of course, though he might not be awake. Also…" I slightly tilted my head "Yes..?" Silence. "I might've had to tell the doctors that you were his boyfriend to get you access." Blink, blink, blink."...YOU WHAT?!" I could feel my face flush. “You…” I glared at him with such intensity it made him flinch. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! It’s better than not seeing him at all, right?-” I stared at him for a few moments before slowly nodding. He did have a point. But then again, doing anything at all is so much better than staying in this painfully white hospital room.</p><p> </p><p>Leorio led me and Kurapika to Gon's hospital room. I couldn't shake the feeling of pure dread for some reason like somehow it was all my fault even though I had no proof it even had anything to do with me. After what seemed like an eternity, we arrived in front of Gon’s room. Leorio slowly and quietly opened the door. Gon was laying on the bed, still. Some of the color had returned to his skin and he looked peaceful, almost enough to make you forget the reason he was here in the first place. As soon as we were all in  Gon's eyes fluttered open as if he sensed when we walked in. He blinked a few times before sitting up slightly. He winced a bit but smiled at us.</p><p>Killua’s heart shattered when he could finally see the pain behind Gon’s smile. The sadness in his eyes. Killua began walking over yet as he walks, his legs seem to feel heavier and heavier until they give out by Gon's bed. He hugged his best friend's waist as he sobbed into his shirt, "Why? Why?" He repeated over and over. Gon was surprised at first, adjusting to the weight around his waist though, Gon settled and began gently stroking Killua's hair back while mumbling "Sorry"'s and "I won't do it again, I promise"'s as tears rolled down his face as well. </p><p>Kurapika and Leorio watched, surprised they were able to keep themselves off Gon. They walked over and sat on the edge of the uncomfortable hospital chairs. Eventually, Killua let go, tears still flowing heavily down his face. “Why?” He said one more time, his voice raspy and quiet after crying. The room was silent for a bit before Gon spoke up, "I… I'm so sorry, Killua, Leorio, Kurapika...I tried to fix the problem but I just made it worse… I'm so sorry.." Gon said, almost glad he didn’t die, yet part of him still wished Killua had come back just a minute later.</p><p> He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. They were red, but not as puffy as Killua’s. His cheeks weren’t nearly as tear-stained as Killua’s either he noticed. Killua clasped Gon’s hand and held it tightly in fear of almost losing him again. Gon simply stared at this action for a moment before beginning to sob as he had realized how much pain he caused his friends, "I'm s-so sorry you guys" he sobbed out, hiccups interrupting the intense crying. "I make e-everything worse, why do you all p-put up with me?" He continued, “I’m just a burden, nothing would change if I was gone…” His body trembled at the thoughts that began flooding his head. Killua flung his arms around Gon’s neck. “You are not a burden! Everything would change if you were gone, Gon. Don’t you ever think of yourself that way again!” Killua yelled, his voice slightly muffled as his face was pressed against Gon’s shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>        {Back at the hotel}</p><p> </p><p>Gon, being able to heal inhumanly fast, was able to head back to the hotel, which had been cleaned and prepared for them the following morning. While Gon unpacked the small bag they had brought him a change of clothes in, Killua was standing by the bathroom mirror hyping himself up for what he was about to do, "C'mon Killua, you can do this, you're a Zoldyck for goodness sakes!"  </p><p>Gon heard mumbling coming from the bathroom so he called out, "Killua? What are you doing in there?" And that made the white-headed boy flush and he responded a little too quickly "Ohh, nothing!" He took a deep breath, then opened the door and walked into Gon’s room. “G-Gon!” He exclaimed. “I.. I-“ Gon stared at his friend’s red face, slightly confused. "A-ahem, Gon I-I need to tell you something important…" Gon blinked, puzzled by Killua’s strange behavior before responding slowly "A-alright?"</p><p>"Gon, I know this isn't the greatest time to ask this of you but, you, Gon Freecs make me so, so happy and after all that has happened I realized how easy it is to lose someone so precious like you and if I don't ask you this now I don't think I'll ever have the confidence to again. So basically what I'm getting at is e-ehm, GonFreecswillyoubemyboyfriend?" The last part came out rushed as he was getting more embarrassed by the second. "W-well?" Killua asked nervously.</p><p>Gon paused for a moment before he processed what Killua had said. Once he had, he turned beet red before tears began pooling at the sides of his eyes.</p><p>Gon ran towards Killua wrapping his arms around his neck before pulling him in for a kiss.</p><p>"Happy birthday Gon, I love you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well, that was a bit wordy, sorry about that. We were working on this all night instead of sleeping so, please excuse any simple spelling or grammar mistakes.</p><p>(Also it wasn't beta read and we both s u c k at writing) (yep, and we finished at 5 in the morning lol, I may or may not have passed out)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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